It is always exciting when someone announces they are expecting a child, but for people who experience pregnancy loss, there is an unexpected, profound grief that follow.
One in four people will experience pregnancy loss, most often in the first trimester of pregnancy. Miscarriage is common, and there are other parents who will have still births or lose their child shortly after birth. This in itself is a traumatizing and heartbreaking experience – and it doesn’t stop after the physical loss.
In her Ted X talk “Silently Suffering After Pregnancy Loss” from SDMesaCollege, Cassandra Blomberg shares that she experienced four pregnancy losses in what was, “two and a half years of hell”. After her fourth loss, where her daughter Violet was still born, she drew deep into isolation.
“There’s nothing like entering a hospital pregnant and leaving with nothing,” she reflects. Later saying, “It seemed like no one understood the depth of my pain, and it was easier to just not talk to anyone than it was to smile and pretend everything was ok.”
Over time as Cassandra opened up to some trusted friends, she soon realized she wasn’t alone in her grief and trauma from pregnancy loss. And it makes sense, because while society very rarely talks about this specific loss of a child, a quarter of people have experienced it, leaving it shrouded due to pain, shame and fear.
In her Ted X Talk, Cassandra breaks the stigma about pregnancy loss, encouraging honest conversations because this will shape how we support people who are grieving. Identifying feels of fear, heartbreak, guilt and confusion, she normalizes the pain, questions and uncertainty that follow the loss of a child. And irrespective of when the child was lost in the pregnancy or birth, she highlights, “There is no correlation between length of gestation and the amount of grief.”
The side effects for people who have experienced pregnancy loss can include anxiety and depression. And it is important that people feel safe enough to ask for support, because ongoing isolation, failing to acknowledge and discuss our emotions, can harm the patents and their future relationships.
“Having another baby doesn’t make the loss feel any better,” she reflects. “It could lead to disorganized attachment with future children if the parent is not supported.”
We would love for you to watch this TedX talk by Cassandra Blomberg, as she unpacks her story. If you have experienced pregnancy loss, we hope this gives you comfort. And if you have not, then take note of her advice towards the end where she shares “What Not To Say”. Sometimes our best-intentioned advice like, “God need another angel,” trivialize the profound grief a parents is experiencing. And the hope of another child, or even the birth of one, does not remove the grief of a previous loss.
As Cassandra says, “Treat that loss the same way you would treat any other loss in your life.”
Have you experienced pregnancy loss? Do you feel isolated and misunderstood ? Here’s what you need to do: Contact Colleen on 0434 337 245 for a FREE 10 minute consultation on how we can best help you or book online