Father’s Day is a great idea. A day dedicated to celebrating the father-figures in our lives, what more could a healthy, nuclear family with a mum, dad and two kids ask for? Advertising has us believe that Father’s Day is a family-friendly, food-filled day where dad’s choke back tears upon receiving illegible cards from their kids. But for many people, Father’s Day is nothing like this.
For one, not every knows their father. Other people are in estranged relationships, or have a complicated history with their blood relative. There are those whose fathers have passed away, dads who have lost kid’s, and people who struggle with infertility. And what about families that don’t look like a stereotypical Hallmark movie? Blended families and step-parents, families with two dad’s or two mum’s, people who have different gender identities or folks who have transitioned. What does Father’s Day hold for us when our idea of a father doesn’t look like the TV says it should?
Father’s Day is complicated. And if you hate it, that’s ok.
If Father’s Day is a day of celebration for you, go ahead and enjoy it! Celebrate, honour and enjoy the company of the father-figures in your life. But for those who dread the day, it’s more important to survive than celebrate. There’s no denying the pain you feel on Father’s Day – it is valid, even if no one else seems to understand it. But there are steps you can take to get through the day and come out mostly unfazed on the other side.
- Feel your feelings
You probably didn’t expect this to come first, but honestly, if we can’t feel our complicated, pain-filled and grief-stricken feelings on this day, when can we (ok, Christmas)? I understand the urge to suppress your emotions, sometimes that’s what we do to keep functioning. But Father’s Day is filled with triggers, so if you happen to feel sad, grieved, angry…feel it. Some people can sit with the emotion and move on. Others will need to express it. If that’s you, create space for yourself to sit with your feelings.
Perhaps you can have a big cry at the end of the day, or the night before. You can do any number of activities to get the emotion out (the rest of this list will help with that), or you could intentionally catch up with a trusted friend and express your feelings. This is not easy, and it can be messy and even scary to feel our emotions. But it’s important you honour yourself and your pain on Father’s Day, because your body and mind will eventually find a way to pour it out.
- Hold a different sort of celebration
Father’s and father-figures look and sound different. Having multiple dad’s, a blended family, an adoptive or foster parent or even a dad who lives far away changes the way we celebrate, if we celebrate at all. If your family looks different to the nuclear mum and dad, adapt the day around your needs. Father’s Day could become another Mother’s Day, a family-fun day, or a visit the cemetery. It could be a YES day, a mini-holiday, a birthday party or a celebration day, where you honour the strength and tenacity of your family. The beauty of adapting the celebration means you can be as casual or as extravagant as you like. Pizza in front of the TV is a party for some people, while others will get balloons, hats, treasure maps, goody bags and candles. Make Father’s Day whatever you need it to be.
- Get away
It can be painful to see everyone around you celebrating when you aren’t invited, or have no reason to join in. Sometimes, getting away from everything is the best option. Go for a road trip and see where you end up, pack up the family and have a day at the beach, or go for a hike by yourself. This isn’t about escaping your feelings; it’s about experiencing them on your own terms.
- Get it out
Do you feel like your body could burst on Father’s Day, like your emotions are so big you can’t contain them? Find a way to practically get them out. Do an intense workout, boxing or go for a run. If you need to still your mind, try Yoga or Pilates. Creatives can paint, draw, dance, sing or write. And if you are in an uncomfortable situation that you have to get through, grab a small sensory toy and hold it as long as you need.
Do you have a complicated relationship with your father? Are you building a family that looks different to the traditional nuclear model? Here’s what you need to do: Contact Colleen on 0434 337 245 for a FREE 10 minute consultation on how we can best help you or book online
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