Do you have too much to do? At times like this, it’s hard to get anything done! It’s like we are forever adding tasks to a to-do list, and even small steps aren’t enough to give us some relief.
Do you relate to this? In these moments of overwhelm, we cope in different ways.
- We hyper focus
Some people hyper focus on a task – not a bad idea, except for when we ignore or miss vital things going on around us. This means we pour all our time and energy into one thing and lose sense of time and other responsibilities. Some people do this with such gusto, they run out of steam and feel like they’ve failed early on.
How do I cope when I hyper focus?
If you feel the need to hyper focus on a single task and devote significant time and energy into completing it above all else, take steps to make space for this. That means scheduling ahead, communicating your needs with colleagues, family and friends, and making sure pressing deadlines are taken care of so you are free to complete the task.
- We procrastinate
When we know something HAS to be done, we can tend to put it off. Before long, we are dreading completing a task (or tasks), and feel stressed at the thought of tackling it. When we procrastinate we can still be useful – it’s amazing how many little tasks and cleaning is accomplished when we are avoiding things!
How do I cope when I procrastinate?
Ultimately, the only way we overcome procrastination is by breaking down the task into bite size pieces and taking them one step at a time. Reward yourself for completing each step, and if needed get an accountability partner to keep you on track.
- We spread ourselves thin
Sometimes, the best way to get everything done seems to be doing everything at once! In these moments, we divide our time between tasks, except we never finish them. Instead, we flit between stressors, trying to curb our lack of control by controlling everything.
How do I cope when I am spread thin?
The problem with this strategy, is that our bodies and minds can only cope with this for so long. Not only are we unproductive long-term, but we stay in fight-or flight, and the high levels of cortisol and adrenaline cause our health to fail. This can lead to burn out, where your body forces you to stop. If you try to do everything at once, reshuffle your expectations of yourself. Prioritise the non-negotiables and deadlines (no, not everything is a non-negotiable). Delegate tasks and responsibilities to others. And ask for help. You are not super human.
The Circle of Control
We’ve covered the ways people try to control their lives and achieve their goals. Whatever style you lean towards, we have a great first step that will make everything easier. And it starts with a pen and paper.
Draw a Circle of Control.
That’s right, draw a circle. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just big enough to write in and around. About 10-15cm across. Draw a wider circle outside of this.
This strategy, called the Circle of Control, was created by Stephen R. Covey in the book, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.”
In the middle circle, write down the things you can actually control. These can include doing work, making a phone call, doing physical activity, going to work, what you eat, or catching up with a friend. These are the things on your to do list. Prioritise them based on deadline, importance and impact and do one, or a few things, at a time as you go down the list.
In the mid circle, write down everything you can’t control but can influence. If you experience chronic illness, this might include a flare or migraine. You could include the unrealistic expectations people have of you, or what they think about you.
How do I cope with things I can influence, but can't control?
While some of the things outside your circle of control can’t be controlled (obviously), you may be able to decrease the chances of them affecting you. These are the things in your mid circle, your Circle of Influence.
What you eat, how you practice self care, going to counselling, monitoring your social media and how you tackle tough conversations can all alleviate things outside of your control and help you work towards goals.
Then comes the outer circle – the Circle of Concern. The things that you can't control or influence, but just are.
This may be about the health and well being of someone, climate, a people group or war. If these are weighing you down, consider something small to contribute to help the situation. It won’t ‘fix’ anything, but it will help. Donate, send a card, or do some gardening.
I have drawn my Circle of Control. Now what?
If you still feel tension in your mind and body about everything outside your control, get creative and push it out of your body. Journal, pain, dance, walk, run, make lego, go to the beach or spend time in nature – exhale the responsibility you feel, and recognise it is not all on you. Be present, be mindful, and then do the next best thing. That is enough.
Draw your Circle of Control whenever you feel overwhelmed. It’s a reminder that you don’t have to do everything. And it can give order to the things on your list you have to complete – giving you the power to get them done while maintaining your health and sense of self.
