Reality T.V. star, Bethenny Frankel on Ellen Degeneres' show: ‘I feel like a failure’ after ending 3 year marriage to Jason Hoppy
These headlines in the Entertainment section caught my attention because this, very public, confession by celebrity Bethenny Frankelon is an experience that anyone who has gone through a difficult marriage break up will identify with. ‘Feeling like a failure’, feeling scared about the unknown future are very normal human reactions to a very stressful and confusing time.
- You valued this relationship – initially you never contemplated the day that you would ‘fall out of love’ or not be happy together. Happy memories, special moments and children are all reminders of the hopes and dreams you had for a future together.
- You fought hard for the survival of this relationship – most couples struggle for a significant period of time having gone through repeated separations and reconciliations and reaching out for professional help.
- You are physically and emotionally spent, having gone through a rollercoaster of emotions: anger, despair, frustration, disillusionment, confusion and sadness.
- You are experiencing a loss if identity, no longer defined by the couple relationship, begging the question, ‘Who am I now?’
I love the wisdom of Bethenny’s self-disclosure when she says to Ellen ‘I’m scared. But it’s about what I do next,’ In other words, only Bethenny can be responsible for whether she survives and ultimately thrives after her marriage break up.
If you can identify with Bethenny, what will you do next to survive and heal?
Here are my 7 ways to survive your marriage break up
1. Allow yourself to grieve your loss. Acknowledge your emotions. You may need some time off work in order to process the immediate experience and recharge.
2. Stay connected to friends who will listen without judgement, support you, encourage you and distract you when necessary.
3.Talk to a professional counsellor who can assist you to process the complexity of your emotions and support you in the process of self-discovery and exploring your new beginning.
4. Avoid or draw strong boundaries around relationships that reinforce negative thought patterns.
5. Maintain your physical and mental health. Physical exercise, a nutritious diet, immersing yourself in nature and having plenty of sleep are all important for healing and recovery.
6. Choose to see this as your opportunity to rediscover your identity. Try something new, do something you are passionate about or something that you have always wanted to do.
7. Remember that the transition from couple to single status may happen in a moment but takes time emotionally. It is a courageous and scary step. Be kind to yourself.
If you have recently experienced a marriage breakup and want to grow, experience wellness and reach toward your full potential then here’s what you need to do contact me on 0434 337 245 for a FREE 10-minute phone consultation on how I can best help you or you can make an appointment to see Colleen by booking online now.