A Three-Fold Formula For Relationship Repair

A 3 fold formula for relationship repairAs I write this, I am enjoying a holiday in Western Australia. (‘Ahhh', you say with just a hint of envy,'I so need a holiday'). Whilst I appreciate the opportunity to have an extended break from routine now, it took some effort to leave work behind (can you believe it?). I feel very passionate and absorbed in my business which  drives me to keep pursuing growth and excellence. Now almost mid-way through my holiday break, I wonder why I found it so hard to come away from work. I feel relaxed, I am enjoying spending time with my husband and I am surrounded by the Australian bush landscape in all its vastness and beauty.

Holidays have always been an opportunity for my husband and I to reconnect with each other, creating happy memories to look back on and providing time to talk about our relationship, our dreams, our needs and the things that are precious to us. It is an opportunity to intentionally nurture our couple connection and reinforce the bond enjoy together. Be it brief or a more  extended period of time, deliberately putting aside time to relax together, will nurture your couple relationship and ensure ongoing health, growth and relationship longevity.
When a couple are experiencing difficulties, they have frequently neglected this all important practice, the issues in their relationship creating an impenetrable wall of blame, criticism, anger, frustration and sadness. It may feel easier and more comfortable to relax and take holiday interludes apart however this also reinforces the distance between you. 
Relationship repair begins at the place where, you turn towards each other again and recall your past relationship, reflect on your present relationship and reinforce your future relationship.

Recall your past relationship 

By sharing happy memories, the feelings you experienced at the time such as happiness, warmth and love, are evoked and experienced in the present, serving to reinforce your couple connection. These moments offer an invitation for you as a couple to revisit and reflect upon the goals you have achieved as a couple, acknowledging disappointments, grieving loss together and reminding each other of the challenging times that you overcame together.

Reflect on your present relationship  

Frequently as time progresses, couples become distant from each other due to the responsibilities and demands of life; children, ageing parents, heavy work loads, commitments to various community groups, financial concerns, and unexpected illness are just some examples of the numerous demands that compete for your attention. Couple relationships frequently lose their way as a result of neglect, making it  vulnerable to serious long-term damage. Having time to relax, have fun together and reconnecting around shared memories facilitates a safer and calmer space to share ‘who we are now'.
 If your couple connection has weakened over a period of time, it is easy for the conversation to take on a negative and blaming tone. Agree to reflect upon the strengths of your present relationship. Taking the time to write down and compare your priorities is a helpful way to stimulate conversation around individual needs verses shared needs and what each of you would choose to do differently to nurture the couple relationship. Make a pledge to listen respectfully to each other and explore how, as a couple, you could have a ‘win-win' situation. The answer may take time to emerge, so learn to be patient with the process and expect that you may have a number of conversations over this before you come to the solution.

Reinforce your future relationship

When was the last time you dreamed together? Remembering the dreams you once shared as a couple evokes feelings of hope, optimism and anticipation. This has the potential to be a fertile space for new possibilities to emerge, injecting renewed energy and hope into a formerly uninviting future together.
Intentionally choosing to schedule quality time and a ‘safe', inviting space where you can learn to ‘turn towards each other' underpins this three-fold formula for relationship repair. Regular weekly ‘dates', monthly day retreats, extended vacation periods; whatever your particular lifestyle allows, these are all opportunities, not only for relationship repair but also for ongoing growth and relationship wellbeing.
Have you ever wondered why your partner never agrees with your version of what happened?
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If you are experiencing difficulties in your couple relationship and need direction and support to repair your relationship and reach toward your full relational potential then here’s what you need to do contact me on 0434 337 245  for a FREE 10-minute phone consultation on how I can best help you or press book now to book on my online diary.

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