Valentine’s Day is fast approaching—a day that reminds and celebrates the richness of love. Commercially we are encouraged to get lost in the myriad of roses, cards and expensive chocolates as we share them with a lover. But how we respond to this will depend on our current situation. Mainly, because the message of Valentines Day will reinforce one of the following statements about you:
- I am in a happy, loving and couple relationship.
- The relationship I am in falls beneath my expectations of what a loving relationship should look like.
- I am alone (and it sucks).
Whether you resonate with statement one, two or three, we feel you deserve a gift this Valentine’s Day. And if you’re sharing the day with someone else, they can be given this present as well.
It is one of the most undervalued, yet affordable and equally available gifts that you can give to your partner or friend. And no, it’s not a teddy bear that says, “I love you.” It is the gift of kindness.
On an almost daily basis, I witness couples and individuals who report that whilst they experience conflict and communication difficulties in their couple relationship, they state that they love each other. It is my belief that one of the chief indicators of a loving relationship is kindness. Kindness is being a true and genuine friend to your partner, generous in the giving of oneself and considerate towards your partner’s need. It is also about being kind to yourself, acknowledging you are worthy of love and able to give it to others.
Where a couple relationship does not feel secure or caring and you feel alone even within your relationship, the invitation that Valentine’s Day gives is to make the intentional effort to show your partner you love them through a romantic gesture or gift. Being a person who loves the occasional gift, I believe that this can still be a beautiful expression of love when given with thought and intention. However, the notion that a romantic gesture or gift is ‘enough’ to sustain any relationship is false.
If you are unwell and fail to recover swiftly, you will visit your local doctor to receive medical help, whereupon the doctor may write a prescription for treatment. So if you’re struggling this Valentine’s Day to find the ‘perfect’ gift that will benefit heal or sustain your relationship, here is your prescription:
- Use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to change the way you treat your partner by doing something ‘special’ —a small gift, a meal together or even a walk along the beach or in a park. Be as creative as you like, just so long as it is something that your partner will enjoy.
- Make it your intention to do, at the very least, one small act of kindness towards your partner every day. I encourage you to write down what you do each day as a way of sustaining your intention.
If you are alone this Valentine’s Day, then the gift of self-kindness is equally important. It is easy to become prey to your own negative thoughts, particularly on a day where every shop display has cherubs, teddy bears and love hearts. Meanwhile, the media reinforces the message that ‘everyone’ is in love and deliriously happy (that’s a lie by the way).
Self-kindness is an absolute necessity for good mental health and promotes a sense of positive wellbeing. Learning the art of self-kindness on a daily basis is a novel idea if you are a person who typically always invests in helping others. Self-kindness for you may begin at that place where you practice saying ‘no’ to a request for help and do something that you enjoy instead. Go for a walk, buy yourself a bunch of flowers, read that book that has been waiting beside your bed, have a massage (you get the idea).
If you are in a happy, loving, caring relationship, undoubtedly it is also a kind relationship. Anticipating Valentine’s Day as an opportunity for your lover to make some romantic gesture that communicates their love and devotion may be nice but not necessary, because your couple connection is daily defined by simple acts of kindness that nurture the safety and security of a relationship.
Are you single and feel disappointed and frustrated with yourself? Is your couple relationship lacking kindness and care for each other? Here’s what you need to do: Contact Colleen on 0434 337 245, Duncan on 0434 331 243 or Rachel on 0422 177 193 for a FREE 10 minute consultation on how we can best help you or book online .